Everyday, with Dr. Elias Locke
The Four-Door Department
Wednesday, October 21, 2026
Wednesday.
At nine this morning, the theater manager informed me we had four premieres scheduled and only one stage.
I asked whether this was a scheduling problem or a violation of the laws of physics.
“Depends which door you open,” she said.
There were four doors at the back of the theater. One rattled like a slot machine in a thunderstorm. Another had my name on it, which is never encouraging. The third was leaking fog. The fourth smelled of expensive cologne and extremely inexpensive morals.
“Open all four,” suggested the assistant stage manager.
I said, “Son, that is how you get a cowboy, a cosmic criminal, and a creature from the dark all arguing over the same coffee pot.”
He pointed to a sign: EVERY STORY GETS ITS NIGHT.
Now, that’s an arrangement I can respect.
The trouble with a new production is that everybody wants the curtain raised before the actors have found their pants. A premiere is not a promise you shout louder. It’s a door you can actually open when the audience arrives.
So I hung a calendar over the stage, labeled the doors, and told the manager to check the hinges before selling tickets.
Then the door with my name on it knocked.
From the inside.
I have elected to call that a Thursday problem.
Until then, the coffee is Wednesday’s, the stage belongs to whoever is ready, and the universe can wait its turn.
— Dr. Elias Locke
A fictional column from the Electric Icarus universe, created by Jon LaBelle.
