Ace Ventura: Rebirth

Intro to Screenplay for a Surreal/Mind Bending, Noir, Dark Comedy – by Jonathan LaBelle

Jim Carrey Would Return To His Most Iconic Role Under One Impossible Condition

EXT: Camera moves through seedy alley in the rain. Opening to a street in a run down part of town. Camera pans up revealing a large rundown buliding. Lightning crashes in the background.

Open: Ace sitting in cushioned faux mahogany leather detective chair by a window in an office on the third floor of a run down neighborhood. The setting is twilight, raining and gloomy.

~There’s a knock at the door.

~Ace turns slowly from peering in deep thought from the window. It is revealed he now has slicked back hair and a groomed greying beard.

Ace: “Enter!” (in typical Ace fashion but toned down and far quieter)

~A woman enters dresses in a black pin striped pant suit.

Ace: How may I help you?

Woman: (fast talking and cheerful but with a sense of cattiness) I expected more enthusiasm from the famed Ace Ventura Pet Detective! How are you doing my name is-

Ace: Let me stop you there… (Rolls eyes in exaggerated Ace fashion) 1. Yes I worked with the Miami Dolphins. 2. Nothing happened with me and Ray Finkle. (Angrily under breath) Despite all the comments and various controversy. Hell I barely survived the Whachootoo tribe! Which brings me to number 3… I’m tired of reporters like you (gets louder) coming in here (completely exaggerated) AND-

Woman: (very firm and motivated) Stop! I don’t need reasons or excuses. I am not a reporter! I do happen to actually have a pet case for you. (sweet voice) If you’re capable and willing that is.

Ace: (calms down and starts slowly pacing the room) A… Pet… Case? It’s been ages… (thinking about it quickly) Well after all, you are the best. (angrily) No! You stopped when things got dark. (sad) Leave it Ace.

Ace: Sorry ma’am, I just don’t do this sort of thi-

Woman: (pushy) You seem troubled. I can come another day. Here, I’ll leave you my card.

(Exaggerated) Ace: Well alrighty then! If hell freezes over and I decide to do the ONE thing I swore off I Will Call! P-E-O-P-L-E LADY!!! I’m a certified Private Eye. (Most exaggeration) Not The Pet Detective… *Gags*

Woman: (nervous) Ok I’ll leave you to your business. Sorry for bothering you or stirring up what occurs to be a severe PTSD episode. (quickly) Bye, have a good night.

Ace: (Before door shuts) GEE Thanks! (Door shuts Ace goes somber) Thanks for ruining my night (picks up card) Elizabeth Fairchild. What were you written by Danielle Steele?

~Ace walks back over to his chair. Somberly throws himself onto it with all his dead weight

Ace: Pet Detective, never again. Not even if Smokey The Bear came on that T.V. right now and-

*Click* T.V. turns on with an old black and white emergency broadcast alert screen – this lasts for about 13 seconds of awkwardness with Ace beginning to pace nervously, scratching his head and becoming confused.

~T.V. changes to 50’s style color cartoon of children playing with matches in the forest.

Ace: What in the Berenstain Bears Mandela Hell…?

~Suddenly Smokey The Bears shadow appears behind a child in the cartoon.

Ace: (losing his sanity) I’m hallucinating… It’s all a dream. (fingers in ears) La-di-da-di-da-

Smokey: (loud) Hey!

Ace: (inward high pitched squeal gasp)

Smokey: What are you children doing in the forest playing with matches? It’s one of the leading causes of forest fires. And remember only you can prevent forest fires.

~Screen begins to shows an old Smokey The Bear logo.

Ace: (extremely relieved) Wheeeeeew! For a moment there I really thought he was gonna-

Smokey: Ace!

Ace: (jumps and screams) AGH!

Smokey: We need you. You’ve been called upon again. It is the higher calling. Do what must be done Ace, help us all.

Ace: (almost hugging the T.V.) What?!? What is it!?!

Smokey: You must become the Pet Detective again.

Ace: Great… Is THERE anything else?

Smokey: Call the woman she will help guide you. You will know what to do. Trust your instincts. Only you can prevent-

-*Screen cuts to static fading into credit sequence*-

(Opening credits roll with noir style music and various upscale James Bond/Mission Impossible style sequences with dramatic noir elements and random history of P.I. Ventura added throughout.)

~Opens with shot of Elizabeth Fairchild’s card on Ace’s living room coffee table with narration beginning once zoom out of card happens. Panning to his entire trashed apartment.

Narrator Ace: It began like any other night. But little did I know a women would enter my world and change the fabric of reality. What’s real? Who knows? I just tell it the way I know it. The way it happened.

Ace: (staring at card) Smokey The Bear… Smokey The Bear! Smokey The Bear? (distressed) No, no, no, no, no-

~Gets up repeating this as he goes to the fridge where he sees his Smokey The Bear magnet.

Ace: (erratic) I can’t escape it! It’s some kind of forest fire hell! Did I commit arson in a forest in a past life?

~Ace falls to the floor whilst sliding down the back of the fridge.

Ace: (sobbing) Pet Detective… Seriously, Pet Detective? Am I really going to do this again because Smokey The Bear says so?!

~Ace’s old magnet of Smokey falls, hits Ace on the head, and lands face up in his lap.

Ace: (spontaneously and panicked) YUP!

~Ace runs over to the table, grabs Elizabeth’s card and proceeds to the phone. He begins to dial.

Elizabeth: (answers immediately with a calm unease) Hello Ace, glad you decided to call. We have business to discuss. Not over the phone though. Call at 2am, I’ll have instructions on how to meet.

~Phone clicks leaving the traditional dial tone sound which quickly turns into a horrific loud static. Ace painfully removes the phone from ear and violently slams it on the receiver. Rocking Ace covers his head from experiencing migraine/neurological distress.

Ace: (worried) What have I gotten myself into?

{That ends the introduction to my screenplay for ‘Ace Ventura: Rebirth’. I began this after reading the above article. Hope you enjoyed the taste. Comments are welcome!}

Disclaimer: Intellectual Property. All ideas and writing with the exception of; Trade names, logos, icons, and franchise names are proprietary to Jonathan LaBelle.